Time to get back into the swing of things

This week marks the one-year anniversary of me being officially laid off at the Marin Independent Journal after 22 plus years of service.

Like Tiger Woods, it’s time for me to get back in the swing of things by giving my two cents worth with one liners.

Figures that an ambidextrous pitcher would wind up with the New York Yankees. They give out money left and right.

It just seems to me with all his off-the-field problems that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Rothlisberger is destined some day to meet Dr. Drew.

I wish Pablo Sandoval would grow a mustache so I could call him Kung Fu Manchu Panda.

Will Fresno-bound Buster Posey join the long line of “Future Catchers for the Giants” that have been busts? He might be the next Steve Decker.

I haven’t figured out yet what Billy Beane’s master plan is for the Oakland A’s. Waiting for the Angels, Mariners and Rangers to get worse or the Giants to give up territorial rights?

Over or under: Giants will have 15 more wins this season than A’s.

My local theater is offering the chance to watch the Final Four basketball games in 3D. For $15 a seat?! Sorry, I’ll go see “Hot Tub Time Machine” and see what pops out of the screen.

Given how wacky the NCAA men’s basketball tournament has played out , I ask you this: Why not Butler? Why doesn’t anyone think they can win it all? I do.

Of course, this is the first time in memory that I didn’t get at least one Final Four team right in my bracket.

Fortunately, I didn’t enter anyone’s office pool this year. I started my own “living room” pool. My 12-year-old son will win it if Duke wins it all.

The one thing I love about my youngest son that I think he inherited from me other having a passion for baseball and the Red Sox is that the kid just loves to play Wiffle ball in the backyard.

I’ll all for banning medal bats … but why can’t Major League Baseball initiate a fundraising effort to furnish wooden bats to high school players on down to Little Leaguers. They can afford it.

Maybe Don Nelson could win a championship in the “D” League.

The more I watch Stephen Curry, the more I marvel. Let me be the first to call him a future Hall of Famer. For some other team.

If one of Tigers’ former mistresses shows up in the gallery at the Masters, what will he yell if he hooks a ball off the tee: Fore or Foreplay?

The best thing I can say about Tiger is he didn’t pick a mistress with lots of tattoos.

A part of me wants to see Tiger win the Masters to put all this behind him. A bigger part wants me to see him miss the cut because I think he still needs to be humbled.

Walked into the half empty grill of the Castlewood Country Club on a Sunday afternoon a couple of weeks ago with my teenage son wearing jeans and a hoodie so we could meet a friend. My son and I were asked to leave. Another reason I hate golf.

I’m done voting for Mark McGwire for the Baseball Hall of Fame. Saying performance-enhancing drugs didn’t enhance his performance is like saying Viagra doesn’t give you a woodie.

Do you want Terry Donahue back, 49ers fans? Then pipe down.

If the Raiders don’t trade for Donovan McNabb, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Al Davis draft Tim Tebow if the Florida quarterback drops into the second round.

The look on the face of Sharks coach Todd McLellan in that 5-1 loss at Dallas the other night must have been the same look on my face when I had a colonoscopy the other day.

Really, seriously, the only thing that matters about the Sharks anymore is if they can at least play their way into the conference finals. Time for potential to turn to promise.

After hearing Tara Van Derveer recognize and credit her coaching staff on KNBR the other day, it made me think: Is there any coach in America who has a bigger ego than UConn women’s coach Geno Auriemma?

OK, Nick Saban. But he’s (still) not smiling.

Text from new St. John’s coach Steve Lavin to me: Good fit … Right time … Tough task but eager.

Why he is a better coach now? Lavin has spent the past seven years at ESPN with an all total access pass to see how other top coaches, young and old, run their practices, talk to their teams, strategize for their opponents and win.

Funny. Lavin was criticized for not having a Ted Winter-like veteran coach as an assistant at UCLA. First thing he did at St. John’s was hire 73-year-old former Purdue coach Gene Keady as a consultant.

BTW: Steve’s dad, Cap, who fell in December, is back on his feet playing bocci ball again.

Did you see new Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll shaking hands with Sam Bradford at the Oklahoma quarterback’s Pro Day the other day?

Little known fact: Carroll came close to leaving USC in2006 to become the Kansas City Chiefs’ head coach and work with close friend Carl Peterson, then the Chiefs’ general manager. Herman Edwards got the job, Peterson resigned two years later and Edwards soon after got the boot.

Ever wondered how many Facebook friends ESPN’s Skip Bayless has?

Who is voting for Kate “Dancing Drama Queen” Gosselin to dance some more? All the mothers-of-eight?

Why do I care? Better question: Why am I watching?

Baseball season couldn’t come any sooner to save me from watching anymore “Bachelor” or “Dancing With Stars.”

And one more thing: Yankees suck.