Spitting mad about watching sports in Hawaii

I got up for “Breakfast at Wimbledon” today to catch the Roger Federer-Andy Roddick gentlemen’s final.

Then I remembered I was in Hawaii where it might as well be “Last Call at Wimbledon.” I missed it. I switched over to ESPN to discover that Federer won in an epic fifth set and, because I’m three time zones to the left of California, it was over by the time I was awake to watch it.

Instead, I got my morning fix of sports watching some weird team bowling event on ESPN. The bowlers were dressed in shorts, t-shirts, sneakers and caps and were rolling balls down a makeshift lane that appeared to be at some Six Flags amusement park. I know that because I swear I saw Bugs Bunny sitting in the back row of the crowd.

Following sports in Hawaii is like following the moon in daylight. Everything seems out of whack. Most major league baseball games this weekend were over before I had lunch. I’ve got  ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball on the TV right now and I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to have dinner. I could go to a sports bar but 1) I haven’t found one here on Wakiki Beach (but I have found about 87 ABC Stores!) and 2) even if I did the only thing to watch would be the SportsCenter from Los Angeles and, frankly, I’ve had my fill of Manny Ramirez highlights.

So I’m stuck watching Tampa Bay pitcher Matt Garza spit as much as any man that can humanly spit.

Aloha means there’s nothing else on the TV worth watching.